Going home: Making room
They're coming tomorrow. It's been such a long time, and it'll be so good to see him again. I hope his bedroom is made up. Lisa's been so forgetful lately. She really hasn't been herself since her mother got ill. But how could I tell her? It's always so difficult. It was so embarrassing the last time, when the Nielsens stayed over. Guess I have to check the guest room, too, just in case.
What's his friend like? Never liked that name, "Starsky," much. What's his first name? David… something. David Michael. Yes. That's it. It's much nicer. Why can't he just use that? Names are nice, important. "Kenneth" was all wrong, I think. I've always liked "Ken" better. It fits him, but his father always insists. I wonder what he thinks of it himself. I hated "Margaret" when I was younger. Now it feels like as if it fits, like if I've grown into it. Can you grow into a name?
Feels like I've forgotten something important. It's funny how that feeling's always there. I should be old enough now to have learned that it doesn't mean anything; it's just there.
The roast is all right, I think. It should be thawed out by tomorrow afternoon. It'll need two hours in the oven, and I should be able to have everything ready for dinner when they arrive.
Two hours. I think that was the time it took me to realize I was in labor when I had him. Wonder why it took me so long. It hurt so much, right from the start. And I was so young. The stories I was told… Why did they do it? I do it, too, now. It feels as if it's only what the girls deserve. They're so young; they can take it. Think they can handle everything. They don't know what they have coming later.
Richard's been a good husband, always comes home and always leaves the party with me. Not like Joanne's. He's never been able to hide his straying. Does Richard try to hide it, I wonder? I've never really confronted him; just kept looking the other way — easier.
Ken, David — I wonder what's going on. He said he wanted to show David the place where he grew up, but it's not like he's bringing home a girlfriend, I don't think. He's never brought one home after Vanessa. They were so beautiful together. Why couldn't they make it work? But he's still young; young enough, at least. It's easier for men. They can go on having children. It's the women who have to face that at some point we can't. I guess it's why mother wanted me married so early. But she had to know what it'd be like.
As if she could tell me then. I just wanted to sing. My teacher said I had such a lovely voice. I should have insisted more. All I ever used it for was teaching Ken to sing, and now we can sing together when he comes home. Does David like his singing, too? I hope so.
Ken always talks about him. I hope he's a good friend, that he's good for Ken. I'm not sure. He's from New York — and a Jew. What's his family like? Ken never told me if he'd met them. He would have, I think. Sometimes it feels like he's never telling us much, but with his job I guess he can't. Your children never turn out the way you wish for, not really, but what can you do?
Bed's done up all right and David's, too. It's so nice we have enough guest rooms. We didn't have that back home. People would just sleep on the couch and on the floor if they had to. This place is nice. I like it; there's enough room for all of us.
Why did he have to move that far away? He could have gone into the police force here, gone up in the ranks. Richard thinks he's stuck, that he should be able to get a better position. Perhaps come back here. Why not? I would like to have him around and we could introduce him to some nice girls. Probably nicer than the California girls he's used to. He was always so shy in school. I think he looks very handsome, but any mother would think so about her son, wouldn't she? And she'd want a nice girl for her handsome son.
The guest room is fine now, but I think I have to air it out later tonight. Better check the living room, too. Richard would have left it a mess by now. I just won't ever understand why he can't try to be a little more considerate; it's not that he doesn't know who's coming tomorrow.
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