Going home: Don't touch!
"Don't! Don't touch me. Just don't!"
Hutch held out his hands, shoulders stiff, and his voice was flat and strangled. He just couldn't let Starsky comfort him right now. Hutch didn't know why he reacted so strongly, but he just needed to go through the evening and get it over with. If he let Starsky touch him, he'd break down completely and it couldn't happen. He turned slightly away, shoulders hunched and fists tightened, willing his emotions down.
They were standing in Starsky's guest room, where Hutch had come looking for him. This was the first time Starsky had gone with him to Duluth, and he was secretly pleased that Starsky had talked him into going, even if he, himself, had kept stalling. Ever since becoming lovers the year before, it had felt increasingly important to Hutch to show Starsky the place where he grew up. It was just that all the other things that went with a visit back home usually made him want to put it off just a little longer.
Starsky seemed to understand that the relationship between Hutch and his parents had been strained for a long time and Starsky had been the perfect guest - pleasant and polite, never openly questioning the troubled undercurrents of emotions that seemed to arise whenever Hutch and his father were in a room together. Not very Starsky-like, Hutch thought, but he loved him for just being there. He wished it could have been like any happy family reunion when he came to visit, but it never was. Somehow, his parents didn't seem to get it. His life suited him and made him happy, but whenever he came here, it was to meet a wall of silent disapproval and strangled love.
Tonight they were going out for Thanksgiving dinner. He knew his mother wouldn't have minded staying at home, but his father deemed it important that they go out as a family, now that Kenneth was home to visit them — for once. Hutch had felt jittery and anxious while getting ready, and now, in the presence of Starsky, the person he was closest to, all his feelings of frustration, guilt, and anger overwhelmed him.
It wasn't fair to Starsky, but somehow their emotional closeness tore at his well-trained walls. And Starsky had noticed, tried to comfort him, but he knew that if Starsky so much as touched him, he wouldn't be able to keep the tenuous hold on his feelings that he needed so badly. Tomorrow… tomorrow they could go somewhere nice, somewhere his parents weren't. And the day after that they would go home.
He tried to put a smile on his face and turned back to Starsky, who looked apprehensive.
"Hey, buddy, I'm all right. Glad you're here. Just can't… deal with too much right now," Hutch said, dragging his hand through his hair, and looking ruefully at his partner. "We're all right. We'll be home soon."
"Yeah, we'll be home soon." Starsky's voice was low and intimate, and he smiled that special smile he reserved only for Hutch. Then he walked over and opened the door. "Come on, they're waiting."
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